Smashed Potatoes (under $3; about 25 minutes)

There is almost nothing more unpalatable to me than the mashed potatoes of my childhood. My mother used to peel and boil chunks of potato until they fell into powder. Then she'd get out the electric mixer, add margarine and some milk and mix until she could nearly pour the stuff. Babyfood. The consistency of vomit-froth. Insubstantial and unchewable. Gah. Yuck.

I encountered these again in Wisconsin and would have despaired, but thankfully, I'd been living in Georgia in between, where I --

1. had a shitty electric mixer that couldn't handle potatoes for, say, 15 (I fed 23 people at once);
2. so had bought a potato masher (mine is less hand-grenade-y than this), which changed my life, potato-wise; and
3. had met the inestimably wonderful Peter Gareis, who taught me his secret to mashed spuds.

The secret to smashed potatoes ala Gareis is that you must chew, and you must chew on rich, worthwhile things. All hail Peter, who stood in my kitchen and made these one day while I watched. Actually, come to think of it, it might have been his kitchen, and I might have been spying intrusively. All hail Peter anyway.

Okay, what you need:

A large pot

water

about 6-8 medium boiling potatoes (for about four people, or just one of you, if it's been a really really bad day)

butter

milk

salt

cream or yogurt cheese

Easy.

Step one: wash potatoes thoroughly. You're going to eat the skin, so make sure it's clean.

Step two: cut unpeeled potatoes in about 2" pieces.

Step three: put potatoes in pot and just cover with hot water.

Step four: boil them on high until a fork slides easily into the largest piece you can find. This should take about 10-15 mins. NO longer than 20 or you'll have crap falling apart potatoes and that's no fun.

Step five: drain the potatoes. Save the water for soup if you're that kind of person.

Step six: put the potatoes back in the warm pot. Add about two-three TBSP of cream/yogurt cheese, a splash of milk, a tsp salt and some butter.

Step seven: mash vigorously. Add a little more milk to get a smoother consistency if you need to.

Taste and adjust salt and add pepper if you like that. Find an old sappy movie and plop down on the couch with a bowl of these. Eat in big gobbing spoonfuls, like ice cream. They're good for your soul, very calming, very grown up.

There you go.