Beans, Beans. They're Good for Your Heart.

My grandfather was a notable flatulent. I knew "pull my finger" (I laughed until I cried at this video) before I knew much of anything else, I think. He used to sing this song all the time. Also, a variation of a song with a drunk pig in it, or a drunk man: I can never remember. Then he'd pop out his dentures, and we'd all shriek and run away.

I didn't know then that in my future were a lot of beans.

As everyone knows, beans are a cheap, reliable source of protein for people who don't eat much meat. In my pantry I have bags of red and brown lentils, limas, pintos, kidney, and black beans (note the gas-free recipe). The enchiladas I describe below use black beans but you could probably substitute anything else that's meaty-tasting and get the same effect. You can substitute canned beans; rinse them very well, until the sliminess is gone, if you do.

To make the beans, I use a crock-pot. It's less labor intensive than soaking, rinsing, and regular cooking. I cover the bottom of the crock-pot with washed unsoaked dry beans, then dump in about six cups of water. Here I've added jalapeno paste, crushed garlic, red pepper flakes, oregano, basil, bay leaves, cumin and a little cinnamon. Set the pot for six hours, and go do something else. If I'm home, I stir every couple of hours and check the water level, if I remember to. If not, not. Beans are not only cheap and proteinous, they're low-maintenance when they're done like this.

If you just want beans and rice, when the beans look done -- they're soft and you can break some up by stirring -- make rice. White rice cooks at a roughly 2:1 ratio -- 2 parts water to one part rice (though this post describes another way of measuring). Probably three cups of water to 1 1/2 c rice will make plenty for two or three people. Boil the water with a little salt. When it's boiling, add the rice, stir once, bring to a boil at medium high heat. Lower the temp, cover, and cook for about 20 minutes or until all the water is absorbed. Let stand off the heat for five minutes with the cover on before you eat. Note: I dislike rice that falls into separate grains. If you like that, this is not how to get that.

If you use brown rice, which I prefer, the ratio is more like 3:1 (3 parts water to 1 part rice). Brown rice cooks longer too: more like 40 minutes. But it's really better tasting.

However, if you're going to make enchiladas with your beans as I am about to do here, you want:

cooked black beans
cooked rice
cream cheese
tortillas
grated cheddar
enchilada sauce
salsa

I use bottled sauces this time of year because the tomatoes are SO bad, but feel free to use whatever you like. I also use prepared tortillas, since I have an electric stove and they just don't work right for me here. In India, I did good ones; here? Nope. Maybe when we change over to gas.

Here's how totally inauthentically Mexican black bean enchiladas work.

Preheat the oven to 350. Mix the beans and the rice together. You can, and I often do, saute diced onions and peppers until they're soft and mix them in as well.

Set out a tortilla. In the middle, plop a hefty spoonful of the beans and rice, top with a spoon of cream cheese (I use neufchatel or yogurt cheese, but you can use cottage cheese, ricotta, sour cream, any of them). Fold the left and right sides of the tortilla over the filling and roll the tortilla up to make a black bean envelope (starting at 2:31 in this video). To do this, take the bottom part of the tortilla, fold it over the filling away from you, and roll the body of the tortilla away from you until it forms a tube, like a burrito.

Set each of these in a lasagna pan whose bottom you've coated in salsa, which will sort of prevent them from sticking. The enchiladas can touch each other. When the pan is full, drizzle the enchiladas with enchilada sauce. Don't worry about using too much. You won't.

Top with grated cheddar. Try not to put so much on that you can't see where the edges are, since you'll have to try to lift these out separately. Bake until the cheese is melted and a little browned and the sauce is bubbly (maybe 20 minutes). These are better even the second day, and they freeze, unbaked, pretty well too.

There you go.